My whole life I’ve been a helper.
I’ve always been able to see a need and fulfil it—often before it was even articulated. More often than not, that was met with gratitude and admiration. It made me feel good. It made me feel seen, worthwhile, and loved.
So I kept doing it.
I kept helping.
I kept going above and beyond what was required of me.
I kept chasing that feeling of validation that I interpreted as love.
Naturally, this led me to wanting to do more. To help more. To respond to every need someone voiced with, “I can do that.”
I didn’t consider my capacity.
I didn’t consider my energy.
I didn’t consider my time.
I didn’t consider me.
All I focused on was what others needed and being the one to fulfil that need.
Because if they didn’t need me… then what was my worth?
I had tied so much of my identity—of my worth, of being lovable—to being a helper, a caretaker, a nurturer.
So who was I if I wasn’t that?
Nothing.
No one.
If I couldn’t help, then I wasn’t loved.
That’s what I believed deep in my soul.
But it was a lie.
A lie from the deepest pits of hell.
You see, the Enemy took something good, true, and beautiful—a genuine desire to give of myself to others—and twisted it.
What was left was a fear of being unloved.
Of having no worth.
Of not measuring up.
Once I learned that being helpful was my ticket to feeling valued, worthwhile, and loved, I piled expectation upon expectation onto myself.
I would add more things to my to-do list before I’d even finished what was already on it.
Whatever I achieved always carried an undertone of not good enough.
I began chasing perfection.
Even when something was objectively good, I could only see how it could be better.
It felt like a constant chipping away at myself.
I could never truly be satisfied.
I had to keep striving.
Keep proving.
It was exhausting.
Eventually, my body couldn’t sustain it, and I became very sick.
Looking back now, I can honestly say that the hardest physical suffering I’ve ever endured became one of the greatest graces God has ever given me.
Because during my healing journey—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—I learned the truth.
I AM LOVED BEFORE I AM USEFUL.
I am loved because I exist.
I am loved because I am a child of God.
I am loved.
Full stop.
No qualification needed.
No proving required.
It simply is.
I am loved.
And if that is true—and it is—it changes everything.
It means I no longer help in order to earn love.
I help because I am already loved.
My care, my generosity, and my nurturing can now flow from an overflow of love instead of a desperate attempt to attain it.
I already have what I need in God.
Living from that place is abundant.
It is peaceful.
It is free.
If this is your story too, I want you to know that you are not alone.
You are loved.
Not because of anything you’ve done.
Not because of anything you’ve proved.
Not because of how much you’ve sacrificed or achieved.
All of those things may be appreciated.
But they are not why you are loved.
You are loved simply because you are.
Because you are His.
And if you’re still struggling to believe that, ask God to show you.
Ask Him to reveal His love for you—not because of what you do, but because of who you are.
He will.
Trust me.
He is faithful.
God bless,
Steph