Something I’ve been learning – am still learning – is how to be unapologetically me. A hard task for a people-pleaser! Something you may or may not know about me is that I am a devout Catholic. If you follow me on my personal Instagram it’s something you would know by now – I share a lot about my faith there. But, it’s not something I am comfortable with sharing in my business. In fact, writing this knowing I will post it for all the world to see makes me feel quite vulnerable. But, it’s a vulnerability, I believe, that is worth exposing on this platform.
I always worry that people will reject me and my services if it’s made known in my business that I’m Catholic. I worry that others will think of me in a certain negative way when they don’t know me or my heart. I worry that stepping fully into myself in business will be too much for others, overwhelm them and cause them to pull away, to withdraw. Story of my life.
This is the narrative I have grown up believing about myself: If I am fully myself I will be too much for others and they will pull away from me, they will reject me. As humans we need, fundamentally need connection. The threat of a loss of connection by me being myself is more – was more – than I could bear.
If I am fully myself I will be too much for others and they will pull away from me, they will reject me.
And so, I’ve hid myself over the years in various ways. And I haven’t been happy, truth be told. Not when I was hiding. Not when I was trying to fit in and be like everyone else around me. Not when I was trying to be what I thought and felt others expected me to be. The happiest I have been is when I’ve been me. Completely. People say, “Just be yourself! They will like you for who you are and if they don’t then you don’t want them in your life anyway!” The reality is is that not everyone likes you for who you are, no matter how wonderful or nice or funny you are. And, you can still want that other person who doesn’t like you for you to like you. You can still want that connection with them even if they don’t. That smarts.
Rejection hurts. In any and all its forms, rejection hurts. It doesn’t matter if you have “tough skin” or are a “sooky baby”. You are human and it hurts to be unwanted. It hurts me when I am unwanted. And for so long, so long, that kept a big part of my life hidden.
I love God so much. As I’m writing that it brings tears to my eyes. I have tried so hard to cultivate a strong, close relationship with Him, especially over the last few years. No human relationship has given what I need nor loved me in the way I have been with Christ. Not my relationship with my parents (God bless them). Not the relationship with the love of my life. Not my relationship with my friends. That’s not to say they don’t love me or meet some of my needs but it is to say how much more good is God and my relationship with Him.
No human relationship has given me what I need nor loved me in the way I have been with Christ
Thinking about my business, the impact I want to create, the inspiration I want to impart, the lives I want to transform, all of it is part of God’s mission for me. When I was creating Movement with Steph I experienced a very real moment of grace in realising this business is God’s will for me, part of my mission for Him. How can I continue to hide Him, my relationship with Him and my full self from this business? I can’t. Or rather, I can but my business won’t be all it can be, all it was designed to be.
And so, it starts here, with this blog post. I’m stepping fully into myself. I’m running this business with God at the centre and the helm; with Him pushing me from behind, watching me from above, supporting me from below and surrounding me always. I don’t know exactly what this will look like nor where I’m going to end up. I just know that I don’t want to hide God or myself anymore.
I am Catholic. I run a Catholic business. ‘Catholic’ means universal. All are welcome here. Now, the question remains, “Will you welcome me?