Lately, I’ve been reflecting on saying goodbye.
It’s something that has been important to me for many years. It’s also something I’ve noticed can make many people feel uncomfortable — so they avoid it.
I think we avoid goodbyes because there is sorrow in the exchange.
Didn’t Shakespeare phrase it so beautifully?
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
It’s hard to hold space for sorrow. Naturally, we often want to avoid it.
Some people ignore the sadness altogether. I wonder if this is part of the reason people ghost one another in dating and relationships — ending things, saying goodbye, feels too hard because of the sorrow involved.
Others make light of the moment through humour.
I remember when I was leaving Australia to move to France for a while, one of my younger sisters quoted that scene in Friends about “something being wrong with the left phalange” when Rachel was leaving for Paris.
It made us all laugh at a time when our hearts were breaking with sadness at the physical distance soon to be between us.
I’m not saying making jokes at goodbyes is a bad thing. In the right circumstances, humour can be beautiful and helpful.
But it does highlight how difficult it can be for us to sit with sadness.
Goodbyes in Therapy
In therapy, we actually have a process for saying goodbye when the work comes to its natural conclusion.
We take time to reflect on:
- the work the client has done
- what they’ve learned
- how they’ve grown
- how they’ll approach life differently
- what they might do when future challenges arise
I always make sure my clients know they are welcome to reach out again — whether it’s for one session, a short season, or another longer course of therapy.
My door is always open for them (as long as I’m still practising!).
This goodbye process is also an opportunity for me, as the therapist, to genuinely share how honoured and blessed I feel to have journeyed with them and witnessed their transformation.
I cannot tell you how much it touches my heart to be trusted in that way and to see someone grow.
To be able to share that personally with them in our final sessions is truly special.
And yes — I’ve cried with clients in those sessions.
Both of us grateful for one another. Both knowing this is the next best step for them.
Because we’re not meant to stay in therapy forever.
There often comes a point where that chapter ends, even while the growing and healing continues.
And it’s okay to feel sad.
Sadness often reveals the depth of love, care, and support that was there.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to acknowledge how meaningful a relationship has been.
We are human.
This is part of how hearts connect.
Not Everyone Says Goodbye This Way
Admittedly, not every client concludes therapy this way.
Some cancel appointments and don’t rebook.
Some don’t attend their final session and don’t respond when the therapist checks in.
Others request a pause and mention returning later.
None of these are wrong.
And I want to be clear: I don’t hold anything against clients who conclude therapy this way.
Some people don’t realise a conscious goodbye is even an option.
Goodbyes in Dating and Relationships
It’s similar in dating and relationships.
Saying goodbye to someone you’ve shared so much with can be incredibly hard.
I wonder if this is partly why people stay longer than they need to — because they don’t want to hurt the other person, or themselves, by saying words that bring sadness to the surface.
Words like goodbye.
Goodbyes Through Grief
It becomes even harder when someone has passed away.
This is why funerals can be so important.
They help the grieving process by giving us space to say goodbye and share memories.
Think about what is often spoken about afterwards:
- what we learned from them
- the impact they had on our lives
- how we will go on without them
- how we will face life differently now
In some ways, it mirrors the process of concluding therapy.
Why Goodbyes Matter
Even though it can feel hard, uncomfortable, and deeply sorrowful, saying goodbye with honesty and meaning can do wonders for our grieving process.
It doesn’t mean we won’t grieve.
We will.
But it can help us step into the next phase of life with greater clarity and closure.
We can look back with fondness rather than angst.
We can move forward with open eyes and an open heart.
And if saying goodbye in person isn’t possible — perhaps it isn’t safe, or the person is no longer here — there are therapeutic processes that can help immensely.
A Better Goodbye
For now, perhaps we can practise saying better goodbyes.
Rather than softening it with “I’ll see you later” — because, unfortunately, later is never guaranteed.
Maybe it’s as simple as looking someone in the eye and saying:
“Thank you for the time together. Bye.”
Perhaps with a hug, kiss, or handshake — whatever is appropriate.
So, thank you for your time.
Lots of love,
Steph